How Fickle!

Okay... prepare yourself to read some angst and deliver some advice in the comments section. Be forewarned, you may be disgusted with me as a person when you finish.

Since my last full entry, kind of a lot has happened:
1) I got to spend a nice long night chatting with C.
2) Katie came up and we went camping in Napa Valley for a couple days.
3) I flew back to DC for school.
4) Katie came to DC to see me/everyone for a long Labor Day Weekend.
5) Emotional period!

Let's cover these in a bit more detail!

1) Thank you. That night really helped me get my thoughts in order before camping and lead me to my own answer on what needed to be done. Now that I am where I am, the effects are still really bothering me, but it's also somewhat clearly the right decision. And even some stuff to keep in mind for the rest of my life! I will force you to have more such conversations in the future.
2) Everything is so much better in person. It's kind of a weird paradox that because seeing her solved some of the issues I was having mentally, I was more secure in my conclusion that long-term long-long-distance would not work. The visits are what make it worthwhile and great, and it simply wouldn't be possible to execute a sufficient number of them. At the same time I occasionally can't quite get past the fact that I am not fighting for something that usually makes me incredibly happy because of what might happen if I do. Oh logic.
The camping itself was fantastic. The site we picked out, at Bothe-Napa Valley State Park (#7), was spacious and clean and just close enough to the creek that the babbling water could soothe us to sleep. We did learn that it's very cold at night in Napa Valley, and that he weren't completely prepared for it. Got through that okay though. Nothing like some creative huddling to warm up. Blanket cocoons saved the night!
We had a small problem with very interested stinging insects while cooking, but took care of that right quick. And had a nice hike on a shady mountainous trail that was kept at the perfect temperature by the midday sun. The trip took a lot of planning, but I'm pretty sure I would do it again, maybe only for someone I like this much though.
3) I took a red-eye the night of Aug 28th and took the metro straight from the airport to school. I reminded myself of a few things. Just because heavy bags have wheels, it does not mean that carting them, plus more heavy luggage atop them, will be easy on the arm muscles when your new shitty ass dorm is fifteen minutes of city from the metro stop.
My room really is in the corner of campus, and is not very large. I organized it pretty well, moving all the furniture to better utilize the space. I also ended up taking a screwdriver to my desk hutch and prying off the back so I can look through it and out the window (into the boring courtyard).

It was nice to meet up with old friends again and catch up on what we did over the summer. And okay to start classes within 48 hours of landing in DC. May as well.
4) Katie's visit was a mixed bag of emotions. There were a lot of people she wanted to see (who knew she was this popular??) and things she wanted to do, and not that many days to do them in. I wasn't quite able to control my angst the first night she was here. I need to be better about this. Not the showing it, but the timing of it. My mind picks pretty terrible times to throw temper tantrums. I need to be better at delaying it for later when it's more appropriate and less painful to those around me. I've conquered my anger issues from adolescence, so this can be next up.
The rest of the visit, minus one additional rather unfortunate hiccup, went really well. I spent a lot more time than I thought I was going to get to with her, and legitimately enjoyed quite a few of her friends. Who, I am now, slowly but surely, trying to make my own as well.
The weekend also spoiled one of my friends for me, who was a bit of a pest the entire time Katie was here and who I can no longer look at quite the same way. I'm sure everyone here remembers the How I Met Your Mother episode where the sound of glass shattering is prevalent. That.
With all that in mind, I cherished pretty much every minute I was with her. Our last night ended with what became our tradition at the end of last year, which is a walk around the lit monuments on the National Mall. Just like in May, it rained on us, but this time it was absolutely pouring for some of it. We persevered and it was a great time. The Lincoln Memorial is such an incredible place.
I hate Super Shuttle. All it holds for me are sad memories.

5) 0 AK (After Katie)
I am not enjoying life right now. Chinese (which I am taking the first course of) is kicking my ass more than I expected, and right now I am pretty much just hoping to get through this semester with a passing grade. Unlike in the spring, I am not happily busy between classes and an internship. I have too much free time to be happy (even after studying Chinese for hours a day) but not enough to do anything real with. Maybe I can find a part time easy job somewhere.
The extra time issue is exacerbated by a couple of things. The larger is that it gives me more time to think. I don't want to think right now. I want to be consumed by whatever I am doing and wake up later in a better state of mind. The other is that my current dorm is way off in the corner of campus, making it more difficult to utilize my free time in an enjoyable way, since friends aren't across the hall anymore. As soon as room swap opens up (3 weeks into the semester) I will be trying to get out of this personal hell. I need a roommate and to be close to people I know.

On a happier note, I read a delightfully snarky book about grammar. Eats, Shoots & Leaves.
My biggest fear right now is that this year is going to be a depressing waste of my life. I'm not sure how to save it from being that. And right now all I want to do is think about Katie, which just causes it to spiral a little more.

If I do somehow get better at Chinese and continue it next semester (which would then fulfill my language requirement), that would be another four months without an internship, since it has to meet so many times a week. Not sure if I am willing to give that chance up. Also not sure if I will be home for the summer. Time shall tell...

I leave you by telling you what I am wearing. A delightful new shirt.

This ended up longer than what I think was my previous record! That one is a bit more worldly though...

Food

I can't stop thinking about it lately.

First, I read Service Included: Four-Star Secrets of an Eavesdropping Waiter by Phoebe Damrosch. She describes working in one of the best restaurants in the nation, and describes it as something pretty irresistible. The attention to detail and every wish of their clients is almost stunning. It really makes me want to go to a restaurant like it sometime in my life, even if it means blowing two weeks of pay on a few hours of eating.

Then I saw Julie & Julia while visiting Katie last weekend, which if you don't know, is all about the famous Julia Child and a blogger trying to cook all of her original recipes in one year. It's definitely not a traditional plot-type movie, but is quite well done and hard to look away from (especially when Merryl Streep is on screen). Once again, they tout an exquisite attention to detail and the joy that food can bring into a situation. I came home from the movie and have wanted to get dirty in the kitchen ever since. I want to be good at it, which is something I doubt will happen until I am old enough to have my own well-stocked kitchen and time to spend in it.

C and I have been planning a kitchen session soon, and it should be fun. But I couldn't wait that long. Decided to go after an easy recipe today and see how it turned out. Someone in my family had mentioned how bad banana bread is for you, so it was a natural choice. After tinkering with the recipe enough to cover the slight inadequacies of my kitchen's supply cabinet and to include some blueberries I was craving, it was done in no time.
It went pretty well. I didn't do a great job transferring it to the baking pan and let the blueberries be mostly on the bottom, and the bread part turned out a little dry and not quite banana-y enough for me, but it's still some good Chocolate Chip Blueberry Banana Bread. Heat it up and toss on some butter and it's heavenly.

(Almost) everyone is off camping and enjoying themselves. I am not. I am sad about this. I am also quickly coming to realize just how little time I have left in my summer. I will be moved into my new (shitty) dorm room by this time two weeks from now. I spent most of the day in a brooding emo angst session, partly without good reason and partly because of stuff with K I just can't quite bring myself to let go (and other stuff I don't want to think about but can't stop myself from). Do I need to learn to give less of myself?

I want everyone back from camping and I want to see people more. Particularly the other C, who I feel like I have been missing all summer after really looking forward to more time with her. She could explain away this angst, I have no doubt.

"I hate laziness. I hate excuse-making. I hate rationalization and self-bullshitting. I hate willful ignorance. I hate watching people piss away their potential. I hate it when people blame everyone but themselves. I hate mental weakness."

Anonymous quote wins.

Fake Summer Vacation

It's been a while since I've blogged. That is the duration of my happiness, basically. Now that I am in a foul mood I can return to the medium with a proper amount of angst.
Visiting Katie in Santa Barbara was fantastigreat. I spent around 5 days in the sun/fog enjoying both her and her friends. The meeting of the parents went pretty well (duh) and I felt like a part of her friend group surprisingly easily. I guess I have been well-trained for hanging out with a bunch of semi-obnoxious girls. Plus, I keep discovering that Katie and I have more in common than I thought. Basically our families are near identical matches for each other, just shifted a little older. It's nice.

It was a nice relief to have the (stretched out) visit go well, too. The first half hour after I arrived was definitely a little weird, if only to be seeing her outside of DC. It was sort of like we both had no idea what we were supposed to be doing and couldn't tell if the other person was the same off-campus. Luckily we got past that and had a blast for the next five days. Which I spent pretty much all of in her presence without tiring of her. Fantastic.

Also shitty due to the whole her-going-abroad-all-of-next-year thing. But I'm not thinking about that yet. Or so I keep telling myself.

Can't wait for her to come up here in a couple weeks and see how she fits in with you all. Will be interesting to watch, at least. (CS2 knows how true this is for me.)
Umpiring has been weird this year. There's an old umpire saying, which is that people expect you to, "be perfect on day one and keep getting better." I missed over half of the season, which is normally the time when everyone is working out kinks. Now I am still in that stage of slight discomfort with my mechanics and inability to focus while everyone else is geared up for the post-season. I have a couple more games this week, then a week off before the important games start. Hopefully I can get both the physical and mental stuff worked out before then and rock out when the time comes. This may be the first time I've ever had any doubts that would happen.

I'm really excited for everyone to be home. Good luck on your finals and (quick!) trips home.

What 2nd Semester Was

This post is a follow up to this one.

Okay, so my predictions weren't great, but they weren't terrible either. Not too shabby overall, I'd say.

While a full class schedule and an internship three days a week was definitely quite a bit to handle, I got through it with minimal damage to my GPA. Learned some new skills because of it too, chief among them being how to function on 5-6 hours of sleep a night. Important for someone in my (hopeful) line of work! The internship was a high point though, not a low one as I had predicted. Ended up being that work days weren't hard to wake up for and I really enjoyed myself. I was right that I would make plenty of connections, but way off on the cynicism.
While I thought I would be on the low end of the cynical spectrum in the office, it was probably the other way around. Most of the staff wasn't very transparently political and focused on the hard work of their substantive jobs. The amount they actually cared about sappy letters I occasionally passed on to them was quite a bit more than I would be able to show. I think it may have done the opposite of what I thought it would and made me want to be in politics more, but definitely on the campaign side where I am free to be a bit more emotionally detached.

The jaded-ness definitely occured, at least a little bit. By the second half of the internship I didn't get excited to speak with the Congressman on the phone or walk through the winding basement of the Capitol. By my last week I was a bit more into the coolness of it all, as I reminded myself to take it in before my ID got taken away and I no longer had access. Might be a while before I have it back.

I was very correct that I would have a fun spring break, without seeing too many people for much of it. The dual C.S.s made my week a blast. And yeah, I'm getting bored out of my mind waiting for people to return home and looking for a job. Hoping I find one soon. The prospect of a Santa Barbara trip sometime soon is also going to remove some boredom. Yay.

I'm kind of surprised that I errored a little bit on predicting my keeping in touch patterns. Had quite a bit less communication with Cupertino people than during first semester. I guess a lot less contact with GW people too. Just too busy to keep up the same level of chit chat as before. Still miss you guys though and am really looking forward to your shitty quarter system schools ending.

This semester made me realize a bit how much I enjoy delving into classes. First semester I had a lot of fun (looking back) actually doing the huge reading assignments for my poli sci class, going through dense articles for interesting tidbits. This semester pretty much everything I didn't have to do got blown off, and I miss the amount of secondary learning I got before. Still got through classes okay, which makes me wonder how people who are getting Cs in these classes manage to fail at life so hardcore. Not like I'm a hard sciences guy or something that requires actual thought.

Have I changed? Yes. Pretty much no doubt in my mind that I am a (slightly) different person than before. I am both more confident in my professional abilities and more mature. Working in an office (even if it wasn't the most serious one on the Hill) has helped me tone down some of the crap when I need to, while not excluding it from my personality as a whole. I was very glad to see that doing well at MV and GW has translated into being able to work well. This internship definitely hasn't harmed my ego.
And that brings me to the other obvious change, to me. I don't know what all I will have learned from Katie by the end of everything, but I know it'll be interesting and probably quite a lot. At least I'll have some stories, no matter what. Right now isn't the easiest time ever, but I was happier (and busier) for the last month of school than I had been in a long time, and I think that's worth some hardship. Especially when that pain can be anesthetized by a few hours in the car (e.g. sb trip mentioned above). I feel like this summer will be different personally than I would have predicted a couple months ago. Hope it's not a bad decision to pursue this and not other things.

But once again, something needs to pierce my ego. Maybe I'll fail to find a job this summer. Maybe I'll just read this in the morning and that will do the trick.

Spring Break Wrap

Now that I finally have a few minutes, I can write a proper blog post! Break was busy, in a very good way. School this week has been busy, in a less good way. Still okay though, since I got through it intact and just in desperate need of some sleep (soon!).

It's weird. It feels like I hung out with Neri and Arjun a month ago, but not less than two weeks have passed. I always forget just how funny Neri can be. It was a very nice respite from the boredom of having almost no one else home during my break.

Of course, I took some of that into my own hands by forcing Chery and Crystal to put up with me for a few days in so cal. (thanks) Even the solitary drive down really wasn't that bad. Good time to get mentally organized and catch up on music I had been wanting to listen to. Yes, my playlists are always pretty screwy, but that just makes them more fun. I even got to remind myself of some hilariously awesome teen movies from my childhood, Neri.

I was pleasantly impressed by how much I liked both of their friend groups, which always provides a nice boost of faith in humanity. I didn't go down expecting not to like them, I just know I am generally a finicky person and it wouldn't have surprised me if we just didn't happen to mesh well at all. It does make me a little sad to notice how far away I am from everyone and that I am not likely to be visited much. I want to show off too!

It's also been nice to have people notice my (über-light) tan from break, probably from the beach trip. Plus their jealousy at me having gotten to go to a beach in the middle of March (and enjoy it). I need to remember to put on sunscreen before umpiring when I get home for the summer, otherwise I will probably burn to a crisp. And that would suck. Especially with whatever job/internship I end up having. Because of sleeves or something.

This summer is going to be fun.

I also have to register for Fall classes in about a week, and need to decide if I want a grueling schedule that allows me to have an internship easily along with it (so all schoolwork is crammed together—like this semester) or if I want to set one up that lets me relax some and blow off having an internship. I am leaning toward doing a repeat of the craziness of this semester, even though taking a language with it may be the straw that break me.

How long does the friend group comfort last? It is still going strong now, but certainly won't be forever. A couple years? Through college? 10 year reunion? Always a network to fall back on? Questions, questions, interesting indeed.

One other thing I have decided. Crystal could be a great politician. She's driven, image conscious, and capable of setting guidelines for herself. But a lot of people have that. The real thing she has going for her is an innate ability to make people feel special when they interact with her. It's what Bill Clinton could do (and can!) that served him so well ('til Monica). It's often noted as the trait that sets true superstars away from those who rise just through persistent hard work. I think watching her work a crowd in 20 years could be a sight to see. Plus she's weird enough to keep some sanity when going through the daily grind of it all.

I wish I had that. Would save me from having to be a workaholic.