How Fickle!

Okay... prepare yourself to read some angst and deliver some advice in the comments section. Be forewarned, you may be disgusted with me as a person when you finish.

Since my last full entry, kind of a lot has happened:
1) I got to spend a nice long night chatting with C.
2) Katie came up and we went camping in Napa Valley for a couple days.
3) I flew back to DC for school.
4) Katie came to DC to see me/everyone for a long Labor Day Weekend.
5) Emotional period!

Let's cover these in a bit more detail!

1) Thank you. That night really helped me get my thoughts in order before camping and lead me to my own answer on what needed to be done. Now that I am where I am, the effects are still really bothering me, but it's also somewhat clearly the right decision. And even some stuff to keep in mind for the rest of my life! I will force you to have more such conversations in the future.
2) Everything is so much better in person. It's kind of a weird paradox that because seeing her solved some of the issues I was having mentally, I was more secure in my conclusion that long-term long-long-distance would not work. The visits are what make it worthwhile and great, and it simply wouldn't be possible to execute a sufficient number of them. At the same time I occasionally can't quite get past the fact that I am not fighting for something that usually makes me incredibly happy because of what might happen if I do. Oh logic.
The camping itself was fantastic. The site we picked out, at Bothe-Napa Valley State Park (#7), was spacious and clean and just close enough to the creek that the babbling water could soothe us to sleep. We did learn that it's very cold at night in Napa Valley, and that he weren't completely prepared for it. Got through that okay though. Nothing like some creative huddling to warm up. Blanket cocoons saved the night!
We had a small problem with very interested stinging insects while cooking, but took care of that right quick. And had a nice hike on a shady mountainous trail that was kept at the perfect temperature by the midday sun. The trip took a lot of planning, but I'm pretty sure I would do it again, maybe only for someone I like this much though.
3) I took a red-eye the night of Aug 28th and took the metro straight from the airport to school. I reminded myself of a few things. Just because heavy bags have wheels, it does not mean that carting them, plus more heavy luggage atop them, will be easy on the arm muscles when your new shitty ass dorm is fifteen minutes of city from the metro stop.
My room really is in the corner of campus, and is not very large. I organized it pretty well, moving all the furniture to better utilize the space. I also ended up taking a screwdriver to my desk hutch and prying off the back so I can look through it and out the window (into the boring courtyard).

It was nice to meet up with old friends again and catch up on what we did over the summer. And okay to start classes within 48 hours of landing in DC. May as well.
4) Katie's visit was a mixed bag of emotions. There were a lot of people she wanted to see (who knew she was this popular??) and things she wanted to do, and not that many days to do them in. I wasn't quite able to control my angst the first night she was here. I need to be better about this. Not the showing it, but the timing of it. My mind picks pretty terrible times to throw temper tantrums. I need to be better at delaying it for later when it's more appropriate and less painful to those around me. I've conquered my anger issues from adolescence, so this can be next up.
The rest of the visit, minus one additional rather unfortunate hiccup, went really well. I spent a lot more time than I thought I was going to get to with her, and legitimately enjoyed quite a few of her friends. Who, I am now, slowly but surely, trying to make my own as well.
The weekend also spoiled one of my friends for me, who was a bit of a pest the entire time Katie was here and who I can no longer look at quite the same way. I'm sure everyone here remembers the How I Met Your Mother episode where the sound of glass shattering is prevalent. That.
With all that in mind, I cherished pretty much every minute I was with her. Our last night ended with what became our tradition at the end of last year, which is a walk around the lit monuments on the National Mall. Just like in May, it rained on us, but this time it was absolutely pouring for some of it. We persevered and it was a great time. The Lincoln Memorial is such an incredible place.
I hate Super Shuttle. All it holds for me are sad memories.

5) 0 AK (After Katie)
I am not enjoying life right now. Chinese (which I am taking the first course of) is kicking my ass more than I expected, and right now I am pretty much just hoping to get through this semester with a passing grade. Unlike in the spring, I am not happily busy between classes and an internship. I have too much free time to be happy (even after studying Chinese for hours a day) but not enough to do anything real with. Maybe I can find a part time easy job somewhere.
The extra time issue is exacerbated by a couple of things. The larger is that it gives me more time to think. I don't want to think right now. I want to be consumed by whatever I am doing and wake up later in a better state of mind. The other is that my current dorm is way off in the corner of campus, making it more difficult to utilize my free time in an enjoyable way, since friends aren't across the hall anymore. As soon as room swap opens up (3 weeks into the semester) I will be trying to get out of this personal hell. I need a roommate and to be close to people I know.

On a happier note, I read a delightfully snarky book about grammar. Eats, Shoots & Leaves.
My biggest fear right now is that this year is going to be a depressing waste of my life. I'm not sure how to save it from being that. And right now all I want to do is think about Katie, which just causes it to spiral a little more.

If I do somehow get better at Chinese and continue it next semester (which would then fulfill my language requirement), that would be another four months without an internship, since it has to meet so many times a week. Not sure if I am willing to give that chance up. Also not sure if I will be home for the summer. Time shall tell...

I leave you by telling you what I am wearing. A delightful new shirt.

This ended up longer than what I think was my previous record! That one is a bit more worldly though...

Dorm Kitchens are Useful

I'm not really sure how it turned out this way, but I am one of-if not the-most kitchen capable people out of my friends here. Kind of way wacky, but okay. It's quite a bit of fun to make good things without any measuring devices besides your eye!

Tonight we made out second round of chocolate sunflower kernel clusters. When we first made them, almost two weeks ago, we were fading fast and couldn't believe how amazing they were. I'm pretty sure I have never had so much fun eating and accidentally smearing chocolate all over my face. This time, although we failed at finding nonpareil sprinkles to put on top, we did manage to improve them. Instead of the three/four bite monsters or yore, we decided on very small bite-size treats. This is both nicer to eat and has a little bit silkier chocolate to seed ratio. Very nice.

We also made jello. I won't go into foodgasmic detail on that because it is both boring and untested, since it is still setting in the refrigerator.

In other, and probably more important, news, I decided to come home for Thanksgiving! My class schedule ends up working out quite nicely for a long break at home, so I will be relaxing for over a week in Cupertino. And definitely seeing you guys plenty. RITE?

A couple of friends here (Amanda and Danielle for those who are creepy enough to know names of GW folk already) have their boyfriends visiting this weekend. It's pretty interesting to meet people that you have already heard a lot about and compare their reality to their descriptions. Very mentally entertaining! But, surprisingly, I haven't found people from this category that I dislike yet. Still time!

And, just to make this a true college blog post, a rant:
No one cares that you can think of a special case that is counter to a general social science rule. We know there are Republicans in California and Democrats in Alabama. We are not stupid. We talk in generalities and statistics because if we wanted to account for every single opinion we would all kill ourselves. So when you think about raising your hand and pointing out the oh-so-fatal flaw in the argument because you know of a Congressman who once acted counter to the theory, don't. Shut the fuck up. Always.

There we go.