Cling

It's been a while since I've written in this space. I've been tumbling away, but sometimes you just have to go back to the blog and express. First, some catching up:

Winter break was fun. It wasn't exactly everything I had hoped it would be, and I can definitely feel all of us growing into our separate lives more and more as time goes on. In some ways it's a bit depressing, but it's also nice to watch. The easy, dumb, laid-back fun that comes easily is always nice to get back to. I think I timed my departure perfectly to prevent myself from getting too incredibly bored after the UCers left, but now I'm longing for more relaxation time.

The few days I spent near Philly visiting E were pretty great. Not the most restful of weekends, but a ton of fun. Meeting and fam and friends is always an experience, but it was survived with no disasters, and with a lot of fun mixed in. Going in I was definitely a little bit worried about getting through a full three days together without getting sick of each other's presence, but we thrived and kept up the happiness. More on that later, though.

I'm through my first week of the semester, and for the first time am legitimately worried about possibly having over-committed myself. On the face of it, interning 3 days a week while stacking my 5 classes on the other two is the same as last spring, which I quite enjoyed. Only now I also have college dems work/events on top of it, the classes I'm taking are harder, and the internship days are longer. Not sure if I'll survive at this rate. Thinking about asking to drop down to two days a week instead of three, but not sure if that will work.

The work itself is pretty mixed. Unlike last spring, I'm not in a really social office with constant interaction and plenty of interesting things going on. Where I am now is definitely plenty political, and has it's interesting parts, but is not that social. I have my own cubicle and get most of my assignments over e-mail, and it's just kind of a depressing way to spend the day, even when doing cool things. I certainly am learning a lot about gubernatorial candidates throughout the nation, though! Yay! hehe.

I'm also a little bit sad that I am not required to suit up for work this spring. Barney would be disappointed.

Classes are... classes. This is my first semester ever with no math, and it's a little bit weird to not think numerically at all for the entire week. No math means that everything is text-based, which is actually quite a bit of work. I also completely ignored my math classes, so having another class I should actually prepare for is going to be tough. But combined with work and my general apathy about classwork, I haven't been doing any of the reading for anything, and just generally have no idea what's going on in any class. Having all 5 of them in a row on Tuesdays and Thursdays (20 minutes breaks between each one to move between classes!) doesn't help that either, since they all kind of run together in my mind and I have no idea which syllabus had what on it. Oh well.

College Dems continues to be a good experience, although it really does add some hectic days into my schedule. Going straight from work to fast food dinner to setting up for an event doesn't leave much me time. I continue to be very pleased with the organization, though. We've made it much more social and really done a lot better at keeping a large and active base of members than in years past. Especially awesome since no big election fun this year to motivate people. This upcoming Friday we have our one-year Obama Inauguration anniversary party and it should be really good. Tons of political dorks who will be showing up prepared to have fun. And E has a cute dress to wear to it!

It's only been a week, but my body is sore all over and I'm pretty exhausted. Since classes haven't really ramped up yet, I've still been getting to hang out with E frequently, which is nice but certainly not perfect for my sleep schedule.

I continue to battle occasional feelings of hating it here. The group of friends I really want to have just doesn't exist, and that doesn't help my insecurity about being clingy with E. The whole thing kind of builds on itself and is just shittastic sometimes. I felt like being really busy would help push this aside and let me enjoy life more simply, but weekends are still weekends and not yet full of backed up classwork to use as an excuse for not doing fun things with fun people. One of these days I'll learn how to convert acquaintances into real friends and life will be better.

Claptrap

Haven't updated in a while... don't feel like writing something long.

Been to a bunch of really cool events recently and have met a bunch of interesting and/or famous people. College Dems is continuing to keep me busy. Classes are boring. I have a girlfriend. She's cute. My roommates are still kind of weird. I'm sad I am not coming home for Thanksgiving. Christmas break will be good. Internship hunting is monotonous and ongoing.

Love,

For the Win

I love being happily busy enough to not have the time/inclination to write much on here.

Life's been good. The college dems position I'm in now is certainly a large time commitment, but continues to be a good experience. A lot of opportunities to do cool things and meet interesting people. Yesterday evening I was part of a small group of GW students who went to go "shoot the shit" with the Congressman I interned for (although this was random). Tonight I was at an undergraduate political awards dinner hosted by Ed Henry, Luke Russert, James Kotecki, and a few lesser names. Got bored partway through that and went downstairs to an event about breast cancer with Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Senator Klobuchar, both of whom are generally pretty incredible.

For the political nerd that is me, it's a lot of fun!

Midterms went pretty well, although I haven't gotten any grades back yet, so maybe I should be quiet. Chinese still kicks my ass occasionally, but since I have decided not to take any more of it past this semester, it's not too much of a weight on my shoulders. 你姐! Should be studying for a quiz tomorrow right now, but meh.

I have figured out what classes I want to register in a couple weeks and am starting to look for an internship. All of this is exciting too! My Excel document for choosing classes was much simpler this semester, unlike the triple-color coded beauty of last time.

The new roommates continue to have their quirks, but so much better than living alone in the hellhole that was the previous dorm. I'd rather listen to bible study occasionally than hear nothing but my own thoughts. My roommate (not the other 2 suitemates) seems to pretty much never go to class and sleeps the weirdest hours ever. Glad I have had you all to condition me about what to expect from Azns.

Speaking of Asians... well this can wait until later when I can speak firmly about it. Stay tuned!

Status Quo

I'm happy. It's weird to say, but it's the truth as I have come to understand it.

This is pretty far from where I was a little over a week ago, as I experienced my first anxiety attack ever. Walked around campus and calmed myself by talking to K, who is absolutely amazing. Ended up coming back a little later and I resorted to talking to Katie, who I had avoided conversing with for almost a week in an effort to feel better.

That morning, I had written an emotional letter to her and dropped it in the mail. Such a nice way to release emotions.

By the time the next night was over with, I was happy. It had some to do with getting the position in the college democrats organization I wanted. It had a lot to do with having a fun weekend, which proved to me that I CAN still have fun. But I think it also had a lot to do with a fundamental internal shift away from thinking about what I could have had, and toward thinking about what I want to (and can) have.

I'm back to chasing cute girls and feeling let down when my clever little flirtatiousness is not returned. The thrill of the hunt is livening and something I have really missed. Although also not something I feel like experiencing frequently for TOO long.

Getting the college dems board position has been huge for me so far. Very nice to feel busy again. It's a much more active organization than I had realized even as a relatively active member. So much money involved, and a lot of really dedicated colleagues. Get to do some cool stuff!

P.S. I miss being around asian girls at home who always have their cameras with them and ready to go. My facebook picture list is failure.

Better...

I think I am genuinely starting to recover from the puddle of depression that so encapsulated the last post. Part of it is perspective. Part of it is enjoying other things. Part of it is distance.

Angle over distance.

As most of you know, I've been on a crusade to make more friends. It isn't going quite as well as if I were a hot girl in a movie, but I have made reasonable progress. Kind of worries me that the progress is less toward a group than a scattershot web of friends only connected to me, but I can think about that some other time.

Friday night I got invited to a party by a girl I met at orientation last year and have made smalltalk with a couple of times since then. So pretty random. I decided to try it out and go. And she wasn't there. Ended up staying and meeting a bunch of new people and not having a terrible time, so that was a nice distracting night.

Saturday night I headed out to S's frat's party. It's a semi-geeky but semi-cool group of guys that generally have mellow but fun parties. Met some fun people and got to spend some time acting like someone else. It was really weird how many random girls from American University were there. Another nice way to distract my brain. Innocently!

Sunday morning I headed out to Pentagon City (which is a mall hooked up to a metro stop conveniently) with A (Katie's biffle who I enjoy as well) for our first cooking class. A free hour-long technique class put on by Williams-Sonoma in the hope that you then buy their stuff. We thought it would be a bit more hands-on than it ended up being, but it was still fun. Free steak is free steak.

So the weekend was pretty good overall and let me really relax in a different sort of way. Two nights of partying in a row. My body didn't like me on Sunday. And once I got that kind of fun out of the way I got to turn to a more intellectual sort...

Monday night was kind of like a dream for me. David Plouffe was speaking at an event co-hosted by the College Democrats and I had a ticket for it as well as the smaller reception afterward. For those who don't know, Plouffe was Obama's campaign manager. The most memorable way he was mentioned during the campaign was by Obama the night he won the general election:

To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics – you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you’ve sacrificed to get it done.

He's also young. Early 40s. That's pretty ridiculous for the number of successful campaigns he has already won. He is writing a book about the campaign that reportedly got a $1,000,000+ advance for him, and was getting pard ~$16000 for the speech and reception.

His speech was pretty basic. Definitely good and interesting, but nothing too exciting. Not surprising with the amount that I follow this stuff that I felt like a lot of it was regurgitated. Still nice to listen to him up close and hear him answer questions from the audience. He talked a lot about the power of the grassroots and how advertising and speeches only go so far.

I ended up sitting next to and chatting with a girl C, who was as into politics as I am and was matching my witticisms throughout the event. I found a friend!

The reception after was also a blast. Plouffe was obviously a little bit energized by getting to hang out with enthralled college kids instead of wealthy business executives. He stuck around for almost an hour, most of the time surrounded by a throng of students asking him questions and taking pictures. I was early in the crowd to talk to him ("What would you have done differently?") and ended up having a relatively interesting conversation with his handlers off to the side.
He, like Obama, really is very easy going while still being deadly serious when he needs to be. The kind of boss I want to be able to become, if I can figure out a way to chill out a little bit. We'll see...

Last night was another special event. Former Vice President and '84 Democratic Presidential Nominee Walter Mondale was being interviewed and a new documentary about his life was being screened. Before the event started for me, there was a reception upstairs for him and a bunch of people he had worked with over the years, as well as some of his grandchildren.
All these special guests stayed for the interview and documentary (with a fair number appearing in it) and I ended up sitting in a section mostly filled with cranky old men who used to work closely with Mondale. They were shooting political jokes back and forth and laughing their asses off, and it was some good fun. Always nice to end up sitting next to someone interesting as well. Also ended up a few seats away from the reporter who wrote this story. Could see him scribbling furiously as it was being said and had little doubt it would be on the web by the time I got back.
Mondale stuck around for a little bit afterward as well, although in a less formal reception setting. Basically just a throng around the stage. He has definitely lost a step mentally, but is still cunning and was eloquent most of the night. And hilarious with his dry humor in response to Frank Sesno's occasionally assholic questioning.

Tonight was another political event—the College Democrats/College Republicans health care debate. I went with C and it was better than I expected, although I did want to run down to the Dem side a few times and whisper some better talking points in their ears. With how wrong the right is on the issue, the slight win for the blue guys was a little underwhelming.

Sec State Hillary Clinton and Sec Def Bob Gates are coming in a couple of weeks for a joint event. It may end up being very hard to get tickets, but hopefully I can score one.

On another topic, I have been trying to move out of my dorm, and the room swap system finally opened at the start of this week. I got pretty close to swapping into one of the nicest dorms on campus, but met the guy I would be rooming with and ran for my life. Hopefully I don't come to regret that.
And now it's the weekend again and it will be interesting to see if I end up having any night life type fun.

How Fickle!

Okay... prepare yourself to read some angst and deliver some advice in the comments section. Be forewarned, you may be disgusted with me as a person when you finish.

Since my last full entry, kind of a lot has happened:
1) I got to spend a nice long night chatting with C.
2) Katie came up and we went camping in Napa Valley for a couple days.
3) I flew back to DC for school.
4) Katie came to DC to see me/everyone for a long Labor Day Weekend.
5) Emotional period!

Let's cover these in a bit more detail!

1) Thank you. That night really helped me get my thoughts in order before camping and lead me to my own answer on what needed to be done. Now that I am where I am, the effects are still really bothering me, but it's also somewhat clearly the right decision. And even some stuff to keep in mind for the rest of my life! I will force you to have more such conversations in the future.
2) Everything is so much better in person. It's kind of a weird paradox that because seeing her solved some of the issues I was having mentally, I was more secure in my conclusion that long-term long-long-distance would not work. The visits are what make it worthwhile and great, and it simply wouldn't be possible to execute a sufficient number of them. At the same time I occasionally can't quite get past the fact that I am not fighting for something that usually makes me incredibly happy because of what might happen if I do. Oh logic.
The camping itself was fantastic. The site we picked out, at Bothe-Napa Valley State Park (#7), was spacious and clean and just close enough to the creek that the babbling water could soothe us to sleep. We did learn that it's very cold at night in Napa Valley, and that he weren't completely prepared for it. Got through that okay though. Nothing like some creative huddling to warm up. Blanket cocoons saved the night!
We had a small problem with very interested stinging insects while cooking, but took care of that right quick. And had a nice hike on a shady mountainous trail that was kept at the perfect temperature by the midday sun. The trip took a lot of planning, but I'm pretty sure I would do it again, maybe only for someone I like this much though.
3) I took a red-eye the night of Aug 28th and took the metro straight from the airport to school. I reminded myself of a few things. Just because heavy bags have wheels, it does not mean that carting them, plus more heavy luggage atop them, will be easy on the arm muscles when your new shitty ass dorm is fifteen minutes of city from the metro stop.
My room really is in the corner of campus, and is not very large. I organized it pretty well, moving all the furniture to better utilize the space. I also ended up taking a screwdriver to my desk hutch and prying off the back so I can look through it and out the window (into the boring courtyard).

It was nice to meet up with old friends again and catch up on what we did over the summer. And okay to start classes within 48 hours of landing in DC. May as well.
4) Katie's visit was a mixed bag of emotions. There were a lot of people she wanted to see (who knew she was this popular??) and things she wanted to do, and not that many days to do them in. I wasn't quite able to control my angst the first night she was here. I need to be better about this. Not the showing it, but the timing of it. My mind picks pretty terrible times to throw temper tantrums. I need to be better at delaying it for later when it's more appropriate and less painful to those around me. I've conquered my anger issues from adolescence, so this can be next up.
The rest of the visit, minus one additional rather unfortunate hiccup, went really well. I spent a lot more time than I thought I was going to get to with her, and legitimately enjoyed quite a few of her friends. Who, I am now, slowly but surely, trying to make my own as well.
The weekend also spoiled one of my friends for me, who was a bit of a pest the entire time Katie was here and who I can no longer look at quite the same way. I'm sure everyone here remembers the How I Met Your Mother episode where the sound of glass shattering is prevalent. That.
With all that in mind, I cherished pretty much every minute I was with her. Our last night ended with what became our tradition at the end of last year, which is a walk around the lit monuments on the National Mall. Just like in May, it rained on us, but this time it was absolutely pouring for some of it. We persevered and it was a great time. The Lincoln Memorial is such an incredible place.
I hate Super Shuttle. All it holds for me are sad memories.

5) 0 AK (After Katie)
I am not enjoying life right now. Chinese (which I am taking the first course of) is kicking my ass more than I expected, and right now I am pretty much just hoping to get through this semester with a passing grade. Unlike in the spring, I am not happily busy between classes and an internship. I have too much free time to be happy (even after studying Chinese for hours a day) but not enough to do anything real with. Maybe I can find a part time easy job somewhere.
The extra time issue is exacerbated by a couple of things. The larger is that it gives me more time to think. I don't want to think right now. I want to be consumed by whatever I am doing and wake up later in a better state of mind. The other is that my current dorm is way off in the corner of campus, making it more difficult to utilize my free time in an enjoyable way, since friends aren't across the hall anymore. As soon as room swap opens up (3 weeks into the semester) I will be trying to get out of this personal hell. I need a roommate and to be close to people I know.

On a happier note, I read a delightfully snarky book about grammar. Eats, Shoots & Leaves.
My biggest fear right now is that this year is going to be a depressing waste of my life. I'm not sure how to save it from being that. And right now all I want to do is think about Katie, which just causes it to spiral a little more.

If I do somehow get better at Chinese and continue it next semester (which would then fulfill my language requirement), that would be another four months without an internship, since it has to meet so many times a week. Not sure if I am willing to give that chance up. Also not sure if I will be home for the summer. Time shall tell...

I leave you by telling you what I am wearing. A delightful new shirt.

This ended up longer than what I think was my previous record! That one is a bit more worldly though...